So your chest hurts and you just typed in Google “how to get over a devastating breakup.”
But what if trying to get “over” that breakup isn’t the healthiest way to go about it. The healthy route is getting through the breakup rather than trying to rush past it.
If you’re a Finding Nemo fan like me, then I have a little analysis for you. This is the equivalent to going through the scary trench instead of going over them. It looks dark and scary at first. But it turns out to be safer than going over and continuing to get hurt by jellyfish. The jellyfish in this case are vultures who prey on the vulnerable.
Whatever the case may be, when we’re going through a devastating breakup or loss of some sort, there are healthy ways to nurse the blow.
The Don’ts of A Devastating Breakup
- First things first, don’t try to avoid and overly control this breakup.
One thing I’ve noticed is that people will try to rush through the breakup process. Naturally, we don’t like to feel pain, and the pain from heartbreak hits different. It’s an internal pain that has no medicine to ease the symptoms. Just like with grief, the only way to heal is to allow yourself to feel it.
But that’s why we are focusing on healthy ways to get through this breakup, not just over it. Sorry bestie, the only way through is through on this one.
2. Don’t try to drown your sorrows in alcohol or drug abuse.
Time for a serious question bestie. Is it really going to heal your broken heart? Nope, didn’t think so.
Chances are you’re only prolonging your healing process by abusing substances. When you wake up, you’re still going to be in a breakup or have that loss. The only difference is now you’re just hungover, groggy and heartbroken.
3. Don’t recruit a rebound.
Someone always ends up hurt. Sometimes it’s you, but sometimes it’s them. Rebounding is mean, especially if a person isn’t aware that they’re being used as a rebound.
The Do’s
- Do things that remind you who you are at your core.
The thing that probably hurts the most about breakups is recalling who we were before the person. Because chances are we have collected so many habits and memories of their presence. Next thing you know, you’re pouting because that song came on, and they used to sing that song in the shower.
But the good news is, you get to focus on doing the things you love is again For example learning how to date yourself all over again. Even if you’re someone who likes to cook and you and them used to cook together. Find your happy place in the kitchen again and make a new recipe. The idea is to create new habits and memories with yourself and you loved ones. Soon they will start to overshadow those sour memories.
2. Let yourself feel your feelings whenever they come.
Although a breakup may not be as tragic as losing someone to death, it is still devastating. And just like grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s important to let yourself feel all your feelings. If the tears fall down in the middle of ladies night, it’s okay. If you get in your feelings while you’re at the bar with your guys, it’s okay. Moral of the story is: it’s okay and perfectly normal to not be okay. Feel in order to heal.
3. Add to your future spouse list.
One of my favorite things to do after a failed dating situation or relationship is to add (or subtract) things on my future husband list. Not to be mistaken for a non-negotiables list, the future spouse list goes in depth on what you’re looking for in a future partner.
I always believe that every failed dating experience or relationship is a step closer to your person. Every situation yields an opportunity for more refinement and brings more clarity.
The End of An Era
Weird advice that works coming at you in 3,2,1..watch those sappy breakup movies. They feel good in the moment and they usually have happy endings. When in a breakup, it feels like your whole world is in shambles. The thing about breakup movies is that the main character is relatable because you more than likely feel the same way. Although fictional, watching someone else pick their life up after a breakup can be pretty inspiring.
Yay for optimism!
One of my favorite breakup movies is How To Be Single.
I’ve mentioned this several times and I’ll continue to scream it from the rooftops. But having a relationship with God is top-tier.
No matter how bad my breakups may have been, I always know I’m going to be okay in the end. The comfort of God has always gotten me through every situation, no matter how gut-wrenching.
I’ll leave you with this, one of my favorite sermons based around grief and moving on by the great TD Jakes.
Great post, I love the fact that you mentioned don’t try to rush through the process but to go the the process. Much needed post at the right time.
I hope it helps! I know I definitely needed it